And, if you’re like me, you consciously appreciate those mutual feelings so very much more — which only adds to the scythe bludgeoning once it falls.
But the toxic effects surface in situations involving intimacy, aggression, abandonment, and fear.
Avoiders believe that they must rely on themselves alone to meet their own needs The buried traumas of the past let avoiders function pretty effectively in their daily lives, at least at the surface.
“It’s always Helena, Lucas, Daddy – and Mommy separate. I want us to be like Eleanor’s family.”I wasn’t sure what to say. Because sooner or later it will catch up with you.”post-divorce rebounds are akin to your body dripping with infected hangnails while, at the same time, a rusty scythe strikes your guts. It served as a critical point of reference through which I dealt with the dissolution of my marriage.
So I held her head in the crook of my neck and listened and let her cry and cry. Divorcing people are also forced to face the loss of dreams of family life, and what the rest of your life will be like. All this upheaval and stress can leave little room to deal with simple loss of love.
When my three years ago, I slipped into survival mode: I jutted my jaw, made sure the kids and my business and the money and the divorce and the house were all in order.
Trust me, there were plenty of late night crying fits and trips to therapists and a wonderful support group for loved ones of brain injury victims.When you are contending with a 360-degree life barf, there is scant space to sit quietly and feel the weighty grief of no longer spending nights with a person who you at least once — likely still — loved very much.Not just the absence of Which is where the rebound breakup and all its gory hurt come in. The “I don’t need you or want you” mentality isolates you from your own feelings and those of others. The crux of it is that there is an inability to love – both to feel it and to give it. Things that are irritating or large problems are internalized and stuffed away, versus being brought out. The emotions are released through one or many of the following non-exhaustive list of items: You could classify the avoider mentality as a large amount of defences rolled into one complex milieu of mechanisms to prevent any further trauma. It’s easier just to deal with things themselves then risk that.