According to Ansari, Jonathan Haidt, New York University social psychologist and author of , prescribes the practice of patience to move past the danger of a romantic low and on to more lasting commitment.
Haidt suggests that when passionate love begins to wear off, we start to worry if this person is really the right match for us.
Surprisingly, this theory of mine has been inspired by Aziz Ansari, comedian and coauthor of magazine.
In the adapted article, “Everything You Thought You Knew About L-O-V-E Is Wrong,” Ansari and his coauthor, sociologist Eric Klinenberg, touch briefly on the importance of patience when it comes to romantic love.
But they didn’t get back together because they came to a resolution regarding one another’s flaws or because the stars were finally aligned.
They got back together and ultimately decided to marry because they didn’t know anyone else they would rather struggle though marriage with—and they both wanted marriage.
And it’s all very daunting to find the “perfect fit.”Ah, the elusive “perfect match.” That special someone who will slide right into your life without friction or challenge, the one who never fails to make your heart flutter and knees shake, the person who makes loving feel like breathing—that person who doesn’t seem to exist (there is also that marriageable man-eating plague theory, too).
But, let’s consider for a moment that our understanding of the “perfect fit” is flawed.
This may be because they bypassed the most dangerous part of a relationship.”The truth is that companionate love and, ultimately, marriage require the acceptance of the imperfect—both his imperfection and your own.
So, by nature of committing to love one another before they had any hint of the kind of imperfections they were dealing with, Ansari’s parents had a major leg up in this whole marriage thing.
With this in mind, Ansari suggests that perhaps there is wisdom in his parents’ marriage in that it required a natural level of this kind of fortitude.
Their marriage was arranged, meaning the whole thing didn’t get started because of sparks and flame.
Suppose for a second that a good match does not necessarily mean that the person is perfect or even that the person is the only person who is perfect for us.