Finally, most of us are not as careful when we meet someone online as we would be if we had met them in a coffee shop.We share more details about ourselves, more quickly.
They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact. The key to having a positive experience is relaxed conversation, and that can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions.
Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. Before we get to those, let’s review a few general guidelines for dating discourse: Listen as much or more than you talk.
What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask about?
Who was your favorite schoolteacher or college professor?
The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people. Getting to know someone new is like peeling an onion one thin layer at the time. But some people, overeager to get into deep and meaningful conversation, go too far too fast.
Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.
You can make these sorts of quick and unconscious assumptions in the early stages of any dating relationship.
However, when you meet online (and especially when you meet someone who lives far away) it is particularly easy to assume that this other person is more suited to us than they actually are.
Either way, it’s exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world.
Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says.
A man and woman face each other across a table at a downtown bistro, looking nervous and awkward. There is a stiff formality to the way they sit—no slouching. It remains to be seen if it will pick up speed, gain altitude, and soar skyward . Sometimes they lead to burning love; sometimes they go down in flames.