We love you, but how we demonstrate that love is what I call the three Ps of love: We profess, we provide and we protect. You can go into a relationship wanting it to work — wanting a husband, wanting a family — but you can’t be too needy. Another red flag, a really simple thing for men is if you don’t take care of your house or your person, especially your feet and your hands.
That is how a man — if he loves you — this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Men don’t talk about it [to women], but we talk about it among ourselves. I don’t want to pull the sheets back and your foot looks like my foot.
It doesn’t take us six months to figure out if you are the one. That is the key to a guy: a woman who has standards and requirements and, in the book, I talk about this extensively. Women have to establish their standards and requirements because the guy will only give you as much respect as you command. I am a firm believer that God will eventually cause you and your soulmate’s paths to cross. The majority of the women I know can’t really separate the two. So I am saying, date, go to movies, but save your benefits for the guys that are deserving of your benefits. e Harmony: You say in your book that women should wait 90 days before giving out benefits … I am telling you that if you sleep with a guy on the first night, it is not a smart move. If you sleep with me on the first night that is great for me, but I assure you that rarely works out for the woman, because the guy goes, “Wow. If he just wants to play with you, he just wants to get it. I don’t want to rush it,” he’ll say, “I am out of here.” Let him go. I teach my sons that they cannot get in the car until their mothers and sisters are in the car. Steve Harvey: A lot of things come into play: Your confidence level, the way you carry yourself. You may not be the hottest chick at the office, or the hottest chick down at the club, but man, carry yourself with some dignity. You may not have a man, but dress up like you care about yourself.
It is critical that a woman says up front what she wants out of a relationship — and don’t worry about running a guy off. e Harmony: Does that mean that women should expect to spend some time alone while they are waiting for Mr. Most women — not all — but most women have to be emotionally attached to you to get physical with you. Steve Harvey: It is like this: You uncover a lot about a guy in 90 days. I have talked this over with a lot of men — all of my research in this book is from talking to men. It might not take you 90 days, but on a job, you spend eight hours a day five days a week getting to know a person before they give you benefits. He is not going to be a happy camper coming back, but sometimes a guy can make a mistake and he can learn from it and go, “Wow. I teach my sons that if I turn around and you are in that car and your mother and sisters are not in that car, I am crushing you because suppose something happens — a dog attack or something — and we are in the car and the girls are not, how can we protect them? Do you know that your boyfriend or your man is supposed to walk closest to the curb? He is supposed to pull your chair out at the restaurant; he is supposed to open the door for you at the mall. If you care about you, it causes someone else to care about you, too.
Then I teach women how to get how to get those things from a particular candidate that they are interested in.
e Harmony: What are the biggest mistakes women make when dating?
Throw out all that stuff about there is a shortage of good men. My wife okayed the chapters and she said, “Steve, that is really good information for women because I didn’t know that.” That is what really helped me.
There are thousands of women getting married every day. I have gotten a lot of emails on my show from women who read the book who are married and said, “Wow. My husband has been trying to say this to me but he couldn’t find the words. You’ve got text messaging, you have chat lines, you have instant messaging on your computer, and you have cell phones. We certainly can’t get in bed with you unless you okay it. Knowing that you have that kind of power, there are a lot of things you can get from a man.
Don’t go on a date saying stuff like, “We will see how it goes.” Don’t do that. You women have the greatest benefit package available to man and you have lost sight of that over the years. Writing it caused me to sit down and talk to her about each of these chapters and it actually made our relationship a lot better. One of the reasons was because I had to come up with examples and stories.
Women have got to stop saying, “We will see how it goes.” If not, I tell you what is going to happen: It is going to go just like the guy wants it to go. The mistake a lot of people make is: “I am just going to do this and kick it until I meet him.” While you are just doing it and kicking it, you may be blocking Mr. e Harmony: Can women ever trust a guy who has been unfaithful? We had a great relationship, but we actually have a better relationship because as a man I am not that great of a communicator. If you write down how a man thinks that is 30 pages because we are really that simple.
Steve Harvey: One of the biggest mistakes women make is they expect their love to be returned the exact same way they give it out.