At the core, inaccurate social pricing is a by-product of low self-esteem and other negative self-emotions. "It can be the fear of being hurt, rejected or involved, and it can stem from a history of having been hurt or of traumatic relationships.
"Fear absolutely devastates some people," says clinical psychologist Michael S. People can be very proficient in other parts of their lives, but the fear of dating can make them stay alone or pine for the relationship they left." Others rebound or get involved in another relationship too soon.
As their friendship progressed, Cindy and Rob's opposing viewpoints caused some hot debates.
It also forced them both to take a second look at their convictions.
In one study conducted at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, social psychologist Jerald G. D., found that nearly 50 percent of 18-year-olds go out at least once a week, compared with only approximately 25 percent of 32-year-olds.
While it's true that some people simply choose not to date, others want to but don't know how to go about it or can't overcome their negative self-thoughts.
Conversely, those who appear insecure and desperate, call a love interest excessively or engage in sexual activity too soon, send signals that they hold inferior unseen traits.
So just as we tend to assume that expensive cars are better than similar, cheaper ones, we may also conclude that those demonstrating high social prices have unobserved qualities superior to those with lower social prices. For instance, individuals with a substantial income but little else to offer may exaggerate their social price.
When Cindy met Rob, she knew that even though he attended church, he didn't share her convictions about premarital sex.
Rob thought it was OK—and even good for dating couples to engage in—and Cindy believed it was wrong from a Christian perspective.
"After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn't have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now." In response to Rob's argument, Cindy found Scriptures about sexual purity and showed them to him. After all, we can just pick and choose the parts of Scripture that we want to believe on sexual purity, right? Additionally, if scriptures in the Bible became untrue because people can't control their desires, then we'd also have to cut out the commandments on stealing, lying, cheating and having affairs.
When Cindy read 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians , Galatians , Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy -28, all which condemn sex before marriage, she asked Rob, "Are these Scriptures relevant to today? Sure enough, there are holes in Rob's sex-before-marriage theology, just like there would be holes in his Bible if Cindy cut it up.
"Then you may do what you later consider desperate: a one-night stand, calling the ex or ignoring intuitive warnings and jumping into a bad relationship you would never choose if you weren't feeling reckless." Fortunately, it is possible to avoid these and other pitfalls when seeking out a new partner.