However, I’m also aware having been through a lot of therapy after numerous and significant mental health difficulties (eating disorders etc.) that I tend to date cold or unavailable men and then not ask for more and maintain that emotional distance – essentially, I seem to have been in a habit of avoiding intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive, or more often than I’d like to admit, men who I know are gay before I even ask them out…otherwise they’re narcissistic or give mixed messages, or aren’t close in some way etc.
You seem to be somewhat aware of this when you state that you walk away from emotionally distant men – and yet you claim they’re the only people you sleep with, since the “vast, vast, vast” majority of men are unattractive to you. I agree, she’s self-aware and right to be concerned if that hindera her goals.
And here you are, writing to me, wondering if you will ever be able to love anyone. I can’t “fix” you from here, but I can tell you that something is very wrong if you only find 2 people attractive “every few years.” There’s being discerning, and there’s being impossible, and you’ve unfortunately raised the bar so high that no man can jump it. I’m just bracing for some of the responses that are coming.
With that in mind, we asked our Facebook followers if they’ve ever fallen in love with a man they initially found unattractive and whether or not they thought they were capable of doing so. Nyah: not that he wasn’t attractive but that his looks didn’t pull me before his personality…he isn’t bad looking it’s just he isn’t some pretty boy Dana: it depends on how unattractive i think he is to start with. I used to tease him and draw stick figures and say it was him.
but the more time you spend with someone the better they start to look to you. He was exceptionally smart, funny and that’s a turn-on for me. After talking with him, loved his humor and overall personality.
You are attracted to the wrong men for reasons beyond your control.
You need to rewire yourself on what it means to be in a healthy relationship. I’m not going to say whether these women are right, although THEY certainly feel they are.I will say that men, for all their flaws, are equal opportunity daters in a way that women are not.And that is something I do – I look specifically for empathy.And guess what…on those very rare occasions when the idea of kissing/sleeping with someone is not downright unappealing, they’re cold and narcissistic, and so I walk away.I’m not a psychologist who has been trained to delve into your past; my specialty is helping women in the present model confident behavior to elicit better results in the future.